i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
