I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
