Kiss
Puke
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
