If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
