idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
