Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
