I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
