You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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