remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
