im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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