WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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