She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize