just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
