he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
