Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
