you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
