My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
