Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
