This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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