you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
