Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
