If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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