i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
