Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
