he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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