I'm really into asian looking animals
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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