All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
