At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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