Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
