i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need a beard to bite.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
