I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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