so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
