I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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