so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
