Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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