I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
