"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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