Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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