I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
