The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
