I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
