True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
