carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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