So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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