..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
