Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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