After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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