we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
