The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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