how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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