His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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