fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
