Soap is not a condiment
i was born a porn star she said
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
