jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
