Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
