I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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