So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
