So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize