I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
