i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize