I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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