True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
