The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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