New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
