ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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