Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
