I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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