just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
