He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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